Although there is no written rule that states when a person is expected to be married, society has developed much more respect for married individuals than those who are single.
It is the desire of every parent to see their child married before they grow old and most times, these parents will pressure their children into finding a worthy lover.
However, much leniency is given to men than women when it comes to seeking out a lover and marrying. Human society ties a woman's identity to her success in building a home and her capabilities to sustain her family.
Being a spinster has proven to be difficult as pressure is mostly mounted on women from to marry early before they are no longer attractive in the eyes of men. This rhetoric has birthed a popular dating sites or campaigns which most unmarried women attend in hopes of finding a man.
52-year Pascasia Nyinawumuntu, a mother of seven says that women marry early to avoid so many complications, including health, as menopause often begins between 45 and 55 years old, barring women from procreating and starting a biological family with their husbands.
'As young girls, we were raised to always marry early so we could be of use to our husbands. There was an ancient belief of marriage as strictly for procreation and the extension of legitimate lineages unlike these days where people marry for love or just for fun,' she explained.
In the past, women were believed to always find favor in the eyes of the man who would marry them and care for them, therefore making their individuality and desires obsolete as they would eventually end up as family home caregivers.
Today, according to popular opinion, men have always married later than women, except for some men who married early.
With the strong voice of feminism and the recognition of women beyond their matrimonial services, women are beginning to embrace individuality, such as creating a life and career for themselves before choosing to settle and marry, just as men.
While women are told to marry early, between the ages of 20 and 25, men are allowed to 'hustle' and be excused from marrying as early. This part helps society embrace the idea of a young girl marrying an older and accomplished man.
A random survey carried out by IGIHE in Kigali City indicates that, on average, 'unmarried youth and their parents view 20 to 25 as acceptable ages for women to marry, while ages 23 to 30 are appropriate for men.
Historically, men's income-earning capabilities were necessary for marriage, while attractiveness and household capabilities were more important for women.
Feminism, a pushback on women marrying early
Feminists understand the power dynamic between a man and a woman in a traditional marriage, whereby the men are always authoritative and have dominion over their households.
This is because their wives, who have been conditioned to marry early before chasing any personal goal, have to be financially dependent on them (their husbands). Feminists believe that women should shun the idea of marrying early and instead focus on personal growth and achievements before settling to create a family.
Although there have been fights against women ageing without marriage and starting a home, feminists strive to ensure that all women get the chance to choose their lives and what they want with them rather than being conditioned to enjoy such a life for themselves.
Feminists have claimed that early marriages often lead to early childbirth, and this could pose a disaster for women, especially if they are not emotionally or physically prepared to take on such life-threatening roles.
Should women marry early or not?
Marrying early or marrying at all is best left to any individual who identifies as an adult. Men are pressured to produce off springs and women are asked to marry early while they are fertile.
However, before any man is congratulated for starting a family, he must be scrutinized by those around him as they gauge his financial capacity to understand if he is ready to take on the role of a 'breadwinner.'
This scrutiny is why men are often given the freedom to marry whenever they want, as they could also produce off springs at any age, unlike women.
Sam K Nkurunziza
Source : https://en.igihe.com/lifestyle/article/the-marriage-debate-why-women-marry-early-and-men-don-t
